Raise the bar. High.

IMG_2963Are you sick of dating? Me too!  I’ve decided to give up, but trust me, I’ll never give in.  Let me tell you what I mean.

A few weeks ago, I had a great phone call catching up with one of my best friends from college, Katie.  Of coarse, during the conversation, we gave each other updates on our love lives.  Both of us are single and actively dating, and yet, we both agreed that it was really hard to date.  I told Katie that I had given up expecting a man in my life.  She told me she had come to the same conclusion.  We both want to get married one day, if we met the right person, but neither of us was sure that was ever going to happen.

Now, to give you some history on the subject, I should tell you about my first memory.  I was two and a half and my parents were getting married.  My mom was trying on her wedding dress in my parents room, and I thought it would be awesome to get under the dress and make it my own white satin fort.  To this day, I remember her vividly: how she looked, how she smiled, and how exciting it was for her to be getting married.  I have always dreamed of being married: the wedding, the love, the family; it all sounds so great to me.  But it hasn’t happened.  And I have asked myself so many times: if it hasn’t happened, will it ever happen?

My friends would tell you I’m a big believer in true love.  I also have a tremendous capacity for love.  For most of my adult life, I have been waiting for that perfect individual to come in to my life and make me the happiest girl on the planet.  Well, I’ve quit waiting.

I recently read a book called We Were Feminists Once.  In it, author Andi Zeisler makes reference to Hollywood movies.  She makes the excellent point that so many (and I mean SO many) of the movies that hit the theaters are stories of women who are lacking until they meet a man.  Maybe they are miserable, or haven’t come into their true personalities, or are just overall lacking in life; and then all of the sudden Prince Charming rushes into the scene and saves the day.  The woman is now the happiest girl on the planet and voila! they live happily ever after.

This common theme got me thinking: have I been waiting for a man to start my story?  It seems so ingrained in our culture and ingrained in our minds that our stories must indeed revolve around our relationships.  Sure, we can talk about our careers and adventures, but I notice that it always seems to circle back to, you guessed it: Prince Charming.  Once I realized this, I made a bold decision: I am giving up on finding Mr. Perfect.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking: Kelsey, you cannot give up on your dreams.  Kelsey, he is out there and you just have to be patient.  Let me tell you something: I’ll never give up on my dreams.  I will always be open to meeting a man who is going to help make my life awesome.  But in all honesty, it is up to God.  And only He knows how and when and if that person will be a part of my life.  But thinking of it that way is actually the best feeling I have had about dating in a long time.  I trust whole heartedly that He has an amazing future planned for me.  I don’t have to worry about making it all happen; God will take care of that.

I have taken a real look at my life now.  What do I want to accomplish?  What are my ambitions and dreams?  How do I want to spend my time?  You guessed it again: doing awesome stuff!  I need not hold back.  I am hiking and traveling, learning guitar and making new friends.  My life is awesome.  And if someone is going to come in to my life and be a big part of it, they have to be the kind of person who is going to make it even more awesome!

I sincerely refuse to give in.  I refuse to believe that I have to lower my standards or settle for less than what my needs really are in order to be in a relationship.  I refuse to conform to what other people think is best to ‘complete me’.  I refuse to be okay with mediocre dates, guys who are only nice some of the time, or anything short of amazing.  I refuse to accept that my life story has to start when I meet a guy.  Nope!  My story started long ago, and Mr. Perfect or not, my story will go on.

So, I say raise the bar.  Raise the bar high!  Live your life to the fullest and wait for no one to complete you.  Be complete by just being the wonderful and unique person that you are.  I’ve adopted this attitude and it has helped me to be excited with my life and satisfied with who I am.  Because I’m awesome.  And my life is awesome.  And I’ll accept nothing short of awesome.

You can’t escape LOVE

IMG_3085You can’t escape LOVE

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about love.  I’m not talking the boyfriend/ girlfriend, can’t get enough of you, kiss you in the rain love.  I’m talking about unconditional love.  The love you feel when you hug a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.  The love you feel when you see a mom kiss her child’s scraped up knee.  The love you feel when you tell someone something hard, and their first response is to hug you and say its all okay.  The love I have been pondering is the deep, the true, the soul to soul love of the world, and of people.

In the wake of the Orlando attack, I have had so many questions.  But the one I keep coming back to is: how can someone lack so much love in their life and in their heart that they would be capable of that?  Simultaneous to this event is my own search for meaning.  I have been trying to find a passion in my life.  Someone recently told me, “Don’t worry about finding your passion.  Make your passion helping people, and in that you will find your true purpose”.  This opened up the idea in my mind that my true passion is to love people.

The path continues to thinking about infinite love, the love of God.  We live in a world of judgement.  And this judgment goes against the true love that God means for us to have.  As a Christian, I am often bombarded with ideas of what other Christians think it means to love and accept someone.  “The bible says you shouldn’t be gay” they say.  Or “the bible says you won’t be saved if you aren’t a believer”.  And while I am in no place in my faith to refute the bible, I am ready to say that if you look closely, I think the most important message is one of love.

One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:37 (thank you to my uncle for introducing me to it), and it says: “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who love us.  For I am certain that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God through Christ Jesus our lord.”  Powerful!  Nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from His love?  Let that one set in.

It is easy to get caught up in not loving others.  I am guilty of it all the time.  Gossiping about someone, or wishing something bad on someone I don’t like, or judging someone.  We are bombarded with information on what separates us: our color, our beliefs, our location, our values, our language, our status, our gender and so much more.  And when we feel separation, it becomes easy to judge.  But I don’t want to live that way.  I want to put all that down and say, no, this is my fellow human and at the end of the day, I love them.

We see hate in the world, and harshness.  But to be honest, I see so much more love.  If God does not let anything in all creation stop him from loving each and every one of us, why should we let anything stop us from loving each other?  I don’t care who you are.  I don’t care what you believe.  I don’t care the worst thing you’ve done.  Just get to God.  Get to the love of God.  Get to the love of each other.  Just feel the love that the world has for you, and for everyone.  And then go spread that love.