30 Things

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30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 years

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  1. Find your purposes.  All of them, big or small.  And then live those out.
  2. The whole ‘separate laundry by color’ thing is a myth.
  3. Listen to your mom.  She knew you first and loves you most.  Lean on her for friendship and advice.
  4. Even though you didn’t choose your family, remember that no matter what, they will always choose you.  Family is forever.
  5. Sometimes it’s better to ask forgiveness, and sometimes it’s better to ask permission, and you probably won’t know until after the fact.
  6. Figure out what you believe.
  7. Be unapologetically who you are.  It is the only thing that you can be.
  8. All we can do is what we can do.
  9. Dogs really are man’s best friend.
  10. Reading is the cheapest/easiest way to learn.  Do more of it.
  11. If you aren’t gifted at lying, tell the truth.  If you are gifted at lying, still tell the truth.
  12. Peeing in the ocean is cool.  Pooping is frowned upon.
  13. It is your job to heal from the brokenness life will give you.  
  14. Find your sense of self worth, your reason for living, and keep it in the depths of your soul, so that nothing on earth can take it from you.  
  15. Be more afraid of not trying than of failing
  16. Listen to older people that you trust and respect.  You can learn from their mistakes. You won’t have time to make them all on your own.  
  17. Ice cream really does help with heartbreak.
  18. Don’t live in  one place your whole life, get out into the world.
  19. Pizza is life.
  20. Find any reason you can to laugh.  I personally prefer dad jokes.
  21. As Mother Theresa said, there are 3 virtues: kindness, kindness and kindness.
  22. If you can’t find your purpose, just help people.  That is enough.
  23. Learn to manage your money.  Dave Ramsey is a genius at it.
  24. Do everything with sincerity.
  25. If you screw up, apologize.  Even if it wasn’t intentional.  
  26. Trust your Dad more than Google.  He has probably been around longer.
  27. Life should be easy.  Don’t look for the harder road, it will be hard enough.  
  28. Let your light shine, and bask in the shiny light of others.  
  29. The foundation of all good relationships is friendship.  
  30. Life is about love.  It is just love story after love story, if you choose to see it that way.  I do.

Love,

Kels

How Do You Spend Your Misery?

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No one on Earth is immune to misery.  Not one of us.  But, how you spend your misery is something you can control.  Let’s face it:  we all have times in our lives when we feel miserable.  Situations in life cause us to feel sad, depressed, and angry or an overall feeling of suffering.  This is inescapable.  But how we react, how we process, how we proceed… all of these things we can control; all of these things can take us from miserable to better.

This is my practical guide to misery, just for you.  Yes, I’ve experience misery myself, sometimes so badly that I was sure I’d entered the depths of hell.  It is only this that qualifies me to write this article, nothing more, and nothing less.  Even given my limited expertise, I think this is applicable to us all.

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1.     Process with a purpose

During college, a close friend went through a break up.  (I think a lot of us did, really.)  She was devastated.  She did everything she could think of to move on: go on other dates, have fun with friends, exercise, throw herself in to school and even study abroad.  Despite her efforts, her misery lingered.  We talked about it almost every day.  We replayed their recent encounters; we analyzed every word, every text, and every email and then did it again.  And again.  Some people would have gotten sick of going through that, and wouldn’t have let so much time go on but I knew there was a bigger reason.  She was processing so thoroughly because she never wanted to go through that again.  She wanted to see every mistake.  She needed to know that she missed the signs and didn’t listen to the people who warned her.  Every time we talked about it, she learned a little bit more about herself.  It took months, but she worked through it.  After it all, she was thankful for the experience and thankful that it didn’t work out.  The misery didn’t last, but the purpose she found, that she could get through anything and that she would find love, that did last.  She processed that misery and became the woman she needed to be to find the man who was her soul mate.  Now, they are happily married.  All the feels, I’d say.

Moral of the story?  It is okay to wallow.  Suffer through those tough times with purpose, though.  Don’t think that going over something every which way in your head is pointless, unless you aren’t learning.  Let the crap that happened, and the pain that it caused, be your teacher.  Mold that energy; process until the pain ceases and in its’ place, you have purpose.

2.    Keep Going

Have you ever gone to a haunted house?  They are the worst!  For my best friend’s birthday (when we were like 13) she insisted that we go to a haunted house.  Six of us girls in our awkward early teen stage got dropped off by her mom (cool, I know).  We got our tickets and proceeded to the entry room.  There they played a quick clip about the house we were in, how something terrible happened, and we would experience the horror that remained.  I was not excited.  The birthday girl led the way and in we went.  Scary things popped out, we went through rooms that were pitch black, fake smoke was billowing out of the walls and we were a pre-teen screaming and huddling mess.  But, we couldn’t turn around.  It was a one way street.  No matter how we screamed, how frightened we were, or even when one of us broke down crying (spoiler, it was me), we could not turn back.  The only way out was through.

Life is so much like that.  Misery, in particular, feels like a haunted house we can’t escape.  We can’t see the end and can’t predict how long it will last; all we can do is keep going.  And my tools for getting through that haunted house have come in handy in life:  Cling to those you love.  Hold tight to the people who support you, who are going to walk right alongside you through that terrible mess.  Do not forget that the true source of light is not outside you, but right in your heart.  Cry when you need to.  And above all, keep going.  In the midst of that scary dark place, you cannot see ahead to know that you are making progress, that you are heading for something easier.  Don’t let that stop your progress.  The only way out is through.  Keep going.  I promise it will get easier.

3.    Let it change you 

Read this one carefully:  let your misery change you.  But (and this is a big but), let it change you for the better.

Do you love coffee?  Cause, me too.  I read a story once about a daughter who was going through a hard time.  Her mother sat her down in the kitchen and boiled water to cook eggs, carrots and coffee.  They eggs started fragile on the inside and became hardened.  The carrots started hard and then softened.  But the coffee changed the water entirely.  All three things faced the same adversity, the boiling water, but only the coffee was completely changed.

This is how misery should change you.  You are going to go through that black mess, and you can come out on the other side with a hardened heart or a self deprecating weakness, or you can change.  We will all go through a black mess at some point.  But we don’t all let it change us for the better.  I hope that you choose to be like that delicious coffee.  Let that black mess change you into something amazing!

Misery is not optional.  No matter the gravity, we all experience it in some form.  But how we work through it can make the difference between having a miserable life or having a life well lived, even in the midst of misery.  How will you spend your misery?

Love, Kels

A Christmas Poem

A Woman Warrior

For my sister, Alexis

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As the sun rises, she prepares her heart

The height of the mountain is seen

But she doesn’t cower or quiver

She knows she can scale the whole thing

The cheers from the crowd give her strength

The sun on her face brings her light

The journey will be hard, no doubt

But she is prepared to fight

The thing about adventures is

Sometimes they are easy, sometimes they are lonely

They change and change and change

And she keeps going and going

As the sounds behind her fade

She hears whispers of doubt in the wind

Is she truly a warrior?

Is this a battle she can win?

She slips and falls, and sheds a tear

She looks up, the summit seems so distant

But she doesn’t try to stop

A woman with a heart of gold doesn’t quit

If you’ve ever known a woman warrior

You know the danger when she falls

Because she is preparing to come back

She is about to give it her all

She stands again.  She will always stand again

And continues the journey

Because she is a woman

A woman warrior

Happy vs Content

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Happy vs Content

What do you want most out of life?  Seriously, answer the question.

Two weeks ago I walked in to a gym looking for a kick boxing class.  I was in the wrong gym (I found out later), but the owner, Dave, was there and the first thing he asked me was, “What do you want most out of life?”  I thought it was a rhetorical question but he just stared at me quietly, so I started thinking.  He then said, “Yeah, I know, it is happiness.  That is what we all want, isn’t it?”  I told him no, that wasn’t what I wanted out of my life.  “I want a full experience.  I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I lived fully.”

Dave smiled.  I think it was refreshing for him to hear.  I feel like we hear so many people talk about how they want to be happy.  It is an admirable goal. The Dalai Lama said, “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”  Happiness is one of the best feelings life has to offer.  And after all, who doesn’t want to feel good?  But, in my humble opinion, there is more to strive for in life than just happiness; strive for fullness.

My mother is one of the people who know me best and she phrased it accurately when she said, “Kelsey, you have always wanted a rich, full experience.  You don’t just go through life, you purposefully experience it all.”  I will not tell you that my life has been easy, because it hasn’t.  And my life hasn’t been impossible, because I’m still here.  I have had both easy and hard times, smiles and tears, ups and downs.  I think we all have.  I notice though, how many people shy away from the hard.  I can’t blame them; being down feels like sh**.  But do you let the possibility of being down keep you from living fully?  Life is a risk; take it!

When I was 20 I moved to Spain for three months to study abroad.  It was one of the most exhilarating and terrifying experiences of my life.  I flew there without knowing where I was going to live, without knowing where my school was or having enrolled prior to going and without knowing a single other person in the city where I was staying, Granada.  Yes, this is the point when you can call me crazy.  But after three months, I can tell you (still to this day) that it was one of the best experiences of my life.  It was hard, no doubt.  I had to make new friends (they ended up being awesome, by the way.  You know who you are!); I traveled alone at times and even felt lonely on occasion.  Looking back though, I think it was the tough stuff that made it as rich of an experience as the good stuff.

We can’t go through life thinking that it will be easy.  It won’t.  But if you live fully, it will be worth it.  To have a great life, you have to struggle at times.  God does give someone an easy road to walk down and then call them to great things.  No, He says: struggle, keep trying, fail, get back up, and then you will be ready to do great things.  And so when I think of happiness, I do strive for it.  But when it’s all said and done, I would rather have contentedness.  I would rather look back over my life and know that when it was hard, I made it; and when it was fun, I enjoyed it; when it was sad, I cried and when it was funny, I laughed.  The full spectrum of a life lived well is not only marked by the good, but also by the hard.  I hope my life includes a lot of happiness, but more than that, I hope I always feel content that I have lived my life fully.

So, what do YOU want most out of life?  Really, I want to know.